“How would I ever start again?”
That sentence has been among many jumbled thoughts that have run through my mind regarding this blog in the past 2 years. Ironically, one of my last posts emphasizes the sentiment that I thoroughly enjoy blogging as a creative outlet and opportunity to connect with the world. What I didn’t know then was that I was about to be pregnant with my second son. While I certainly experienced exhaustion during my first pregnancy, being pregnant while also caring for a young toddler amped up the fatigue all that much more. By the end of the day, my capacity to put coherent thoughts together was minimal, but beyond that, I felt like I didn’t have anything to say. I wasn’t spending my free time writing or baking, and I wasn’t throwing extra energy into cooking either.
That said, what I did begin to do for the first time in far too long, was tiptoe out of my comfort zone and pursue community. I joined a local mom’s group shortly after discovering I was pregnant, and it rocked my world in a way I never thought possible. Honestly, I didn’t really tiptoe; I jumped straight in and started attending about as many events as I could. Who was I, and what had I done to Gabriela? Did I feel like I belonged instantly? No. Did I keep showing up? Yes. Slowly the fortress that had been my emotional walls for years started to crack. Simple things like a genuine laugh with a fellow mom about something bonkers the kids did or discussing a romance novel were more healing for me than any pursuit towards some deep passion that I thought I desperately needed. Who would’ve thought that a social calendar, events to look forward to, sharing the struggles and joy in motherhood, and getting out of the house would be so healing? Yeah…I bet many people would’ve, but to me, it was revolutionary.
Just when I thought I was becoming my best adult self, I had my second son: my happy, sweet, energetic, “smile that can light the whole room up” son. Things only got better. Watching my first-born son fall in love with my second has been one of my greatest joys. I honestly think I’m a better mom of two than mom of one. For all those people that say the adjustment from 1-2 kids is tougher than 0-1, that wasn’t the experience for my family. Let me tell you, postpartum and newborn life when the world is not in a global pandemic is considerably more enjoyable. Not only that, but postpartum and newborn life when plugged into a community of other mothers, is life-changing. Don’t get me wrong, my life is not perfect by any means. Being a stay-at-home mom of two energy balls is not easy, and there are certain things I think I’ll always struggle with; however, I have a better toolkit and perspective to handle it all.
Through expanding my world and hence my capacity to love, I discovered more about who I am as an individual. The word “metamorphosis” comes to mind- If you were obsessed with Hilary Duff like me, it also plays in the tune of her old 2003 song… and now I feel old. Anyways, I discovered new hobbies that excite me and inspire me to dream. For example, I learned that I have a deep love for plants. I love owning them (both inside and out), learning about them, shopping for them, staring at them… I really love plants. Did 2022 me think that 2024 me would have shelves of houseplants, spend arguably too much time on research, and dream of having a greenhouse? Certainly not. They stress me out for sure, but I’m a better human for it. I’ve also tackled some furniture work in trying to update my bedroom. I think I enjoy it, but the most daunting dressers are yet to come, so to be continued if that hobby is here to stay. One hobby that never leaves me is fitness, and in fact, the gym has been a super fun place for me recently.
And now here I am. I’m more content than I have been in years. I’m sleeping *slightly more than I was when my son was first born. Why else have I been nervous to come back to this space? Other than a sheer lack of free-time, one of the main reasons that I haven’t gotten back to writing is that I don’t feel like the same person as I used to be. The way that I go about life, my priorities, and many of the opinions that I once held have shifted. I don’t want anyone to think that I previously lied about my life or my opinions; I truly believed those words at the time. Also, if I’m not experimenting in the kitchen like I used to, then what do I have to say? While I still value a healthy, balanced home-cooked meal, I’ve not been branching out from my tried and true meals. While I would love to get back to that when I have more time, I’m not currently in that era of life. Is there value in still sharing on the same page if the content is completely different? This has been my stumbling block.
So really I have no idea what I’m going to share or how often: motherhood, hobbies (plants, fitness, a smidge of cooking/food), marriage, etc. I do still enjoy a good experiment, so maybe I could pull that style of blog into a different area of interest. I am seriously open to feedback and suggestions. All I know is that I miss putting my thoughts into written word, even if it’s just for myself.
Until next time,
Gabriela
P.S: Huge shoutout to the new friends that have come into my life, the friends that I have stuck by my sides throughout the years despite it all, and my wonderful family.
