Hello, and welcome back to the blog. The last 8 months of my life have been an unexpected wild ride, so to avoid writing yet another “Here’s Where I’ve Been” post, I’ll just throw in the quick link to a recap that I posted on my Instagram page. Maybe in time, I’ll dive into a few of the details, but for now… let’s dig into Learning to Manage Anxiety Surrounding Plants.
For years, I had a singular spider plant from my mom that was displayed high up in my dining area. Did it thrive? No. But did it die? Also no. If it started looking pale, I’d throw a random amount of water in its pot and call it a day for the foreseeable future. That plant (now named Lucy) is a fighter to have made it through those dark times, because that pot didn’t even have a drainage hole. Bless her.
The point is that I wasn’t into houseplants in the slightest. Each summer I enjoyed planting flowers outside and having a small garden, but I had no clue that there even was such a thing as a “houseplant person”. When I look back and try to remember how this love of plants began, it’s all a bit hazy. Slowly, a few clippings creeped in from my mom and friends. Something about seeing those plants sparked an interest and a fire in me, because it was all downhill (or rather I should say uphill) from there.
As I write this blog and reminisce about the first time I went to a store solely to search for houseplants, a smile paints my face. I didn’t know it then, but that cold, wintry trip to the antique store is now one of my core memories. When I got home, I researched each plant to figure out their needs, and I set up a watering schedule; I thought I had it all figured out. The bliss and joy of being a new plant parent lasted maybe a few months before it all hit me. The anxiety.
It turns out that plants don’t really operate on a specific schedule. The reminder to water a plant would pop up, but when I’d check it, the soil would still be super wet. I searched deeper for more specifics on when to water, but I’d either find highly specific tablespoonage every highly specific amount of day or something vague like about half dry. How was I supposed to know for sure if a plant needs water? What if I overwatered it and they got the oh so dreaded root rot? What if I forgot to water it without a reminder and it died? I swear I got anxiety every time I watered a plant, and if I saw a leaf looking a little yellow… that got my heart racing. So what did I do in response? I bought more plants. I scrolled more, learned more. Then came the bugs.
The bugs.
Once I learned about the pests that come along with houseplants, I entered a whole new realm of anxiety. I truly don’t want to know how many hours I spent staring at leaves in the dark with my phone flashlight. It was all fun and games searching and educating myself about the enemy until I found them. Spider mites rocked my new plant mama world. Dare I say, I even shed more than a few tears. I dragged every plant in my house out onto my driveway and sprayed every inch of them at least 3 times. If a plant so much as looked at me funny, I would start spiraling. I contemplated throwing them all out and scrapping the hobby altogether- maybe a hobby with so many anxiety inducing possibilities wasn’t for me– but it was my “why” that kept me going. The way that looking at a beautiful leaf could change my attitude on a hard momming day. The excitement of waiting for a new leaf to unfold. The joy in watching something you’ve taken care of grow. I couldn’t let that go, and so I kept moving forward.
Learning how to manage my anxiety around plants has not only been life-changing for me, but I can see how it has affected my sons as well. My 4-year-old has always gravitated towards plants and flowers even before I brought them into our home. If his experience with plants was watching his mom stress out over them, his wonder might’ve started to fade. The joy on his face when he sees a new leaf emerge on a plant mirrors mine. He has plants in his room, and it makes my heart so happy to see him shove his little finger in dirt, notice the dryness, and water the plants on his own. Sharing a passion with your kiddo is a privilege in life that I certainly don’t take for granted.
If you stumbled upon this post because you (like me) struggle with anxiety surrounding plants, here are some specific anxieties that I’ve worked through and tips that helped me with each one. I do think it’s also important to note that should you enter a season of life where plants don’t fill your cup and you feel the need to downsize or fully let them go, that’s okay too. Hobbies and passions ebb and flow as time goes on, and that doesn’t mean you failed.
Anxiety about watering
- Time:
- As with many things, time simply needs to pass. The anxiety surrounding watering my plants subsided as time went on and I gained more experience. I’ve let most of my plants get too dry at points, and it’s been good to understand their slight tells for when they are thirsty e.g the weight of the pot, the perkiness of the leaves, the plumpness of the leaves. All bets off for cacti and succulents though; I’m still working on those.
- Get comfortable with the soil:
- Don’t be afraid to put your finger in the soil and get familiar with varying levels of moisture. I personally like to feel the dirt myself, but for larger pots, it’s just not possible. I bought a pack of cake dowels, and those work great.
- Use clear pots:
- Being able to see the moisture of the soil and the roots has been a game changer for being able to gauge watering and understand my plants.
Anxiety about pests
- Understanding that pests are a natural part of houseplants:
- When I first found spider mites, I thought that I was a failure; however, that was simply not true. One of my favorite plant influencers blossomeffect_ said something along the lines of -plants are living organisms and it’s natural that other living organisms want to interact with them-. That statement changed my outlook on pests and made me realize that if I’m going to bring life into my home, I can’t expect them to be perfect.
- Know thy enemy
- The more I learn about bugs, the more equipped I feel to handle them, and the less I fear the unknown.
- For example, I used to stare at dirt waiting to see movement; however, now I know to primarily check the leaves for pests and specific types of damage.
- Quarantine new plants:
- I assume all plants have pests when I first bring them in my home, and I never put them with my other plants. I don’t need to worry about spreading potential pests to all my other plants if the newbie is living its best life zipped up in a comforter bag. Honestly, I quarantine my plants for arguably an unnecessary amount of time, but that’s what works for me.
- Beneficial bugs:
- As a busy stay-at-home mom, I truly don’t have the time or energy to keep up with pest treatments. The first time I heard someone say they bought beneficial bugs for their indoor plants to control the pests, I thought they were nuts; however, deep in the trenches of a spider mite battle, I took the plunge and bought beneficial mites from Nature’s Good Guys. Dare I say, that was one of my finest life choices. Now the thought of a rogue spider mite from the garden or a new plant doesn’t send me into an anxiety spiral. I know that I have troops stationed on my plants ready to save the day. If I have a plant that is looking a little sus (especially a new one), I quarantine it and throw some of my fighters on there to clean them up- no spraying necessary. I’d also like to note that the mites I use are hardly noticeable. Besides some thrips that I found immediately after purchasing, I haven’t had an issue with pests since I started regularly buying the bugs. When I first found those thrips, I chucked the two plants in an empty comforter bag, threw in a couple bug sachets that actively had mites on them, and enjoyed the rest of my evening without a single anxious thought. It was then that I knew I was a changed woman, because former me would have started an epic anxiety spiral. If you have any questions about my experience with pests and beneficial bugs, please don’t hesitate to ask; however, I know that this route is not for everyone.
Anxiety about plants dying or getting damaged
- Treat each plant death as an opportunity to learn:
- One of the first plants that died after I got into houseplants was the one my parents got me for my birthday. Even though I felt horrible, everything was fine. At the end of the day, their gift still brought me joy, and I learned a lesson about overwatering. With each plant that has died, I’ve learned something such as what types of plants I enjoy the most or how to understand what a plant needs. Not every plant is going to make it, and that’s okay.
- Chop and prop:
- If a plant isn’t doing well, oftentimes you can chop and propagate it. How cool that plants can restart after trauma? Just a few weeks ago, my son accidentally snapped one of my favorite plants at its very base. While it took everything in me not to freak out, I took a few deep breaths (as guided by my son) and said I wasn’t mad. Together, we chopped it up and stuck it in water. Now today, each stem is starting to root and there is new growth starting from the tiny nub that was left. At the end of the day, what was more important- my son experiencing his mom work through something upsetting in a calm manner and learning the beauty of resilience or my plant?
Anxiety in plant stores
- Follow your gut:
- I could spend an unreasonable amount of time and money at plant stores. My heart races with excitement, and I get a tad giddy. Along with excitement though comes anxiety and a pressure on myself to pick the right plant(s). From experience, don’t worry about what plant is the most rare or what plant you think other people would like. I’ve chosen plants because I thought it was the “cooler” option and then got mad at myself later for not following my instincts. Whatever plant feels right to you and fits your lifestyle is best for you.
- If you get overwhelmed easily, keep a running list of top wishlist plants so that you have a starting point.
In general, I highly recommend finding a group of plant people to follow and/or joining a few large plant groups on social media. Both help me feel like I am part of a community and provide extremely helpful information. I’ve voiced anxieties I’ve had about a few different plants and received personalized feedback quicker than any search could provide. Here are a few of my favorite creators: _plantswithkrystal_, houseplusplant, channygrayhome, blossomeffect_, ohtheplacesyoull_grow, and tannertheplanter.
Plants are a living thing, and much like life, as much as you want to be able to control them, they are unpredictable and wild. While that can be anxiety-inducing, it’s also what makes having plants so fulfilling. Learn from my mistakes and hold on to the wonder that got you started in the first place, because taking care of plants (and life in general) is more fun that way. Let your anxiety fuel you to be better rather than prevent you from trying. Your plants are lucky to have you to worry about them. Embrace it. Don’t be discouraged. Enjoy your plants. Grow with them.
