Let me start off by saying that this baby has taught me to have patience, trust, and an open mind. Like many (if not all) new mothers, I started this pregnancy with little to no expectations. I knew some women got morning sickness while others didn’t. I knew some women truly enjoyed pregnancy while others saw it as the means to a wonderful end. Given the process it took for us to get pregnant, I wasn’t even sure how many babies I was going to have, and I was okay with it all. The uncertainty was worth it.
As the days and weeks went on, I started to draw conclusions about my experience and formulate what I thought would be my personal path. I took into account wives’ tales, my mother and mother-in-law’s experiences, and other mamas’ stories online in order to construct expectations. I thought for the longest time that I was having a girl (where the wives’ tales come in), that I would have a baby at or around 38 weeks, that my baby would be too big to make it close to my due date (based on one early ultrasound), and that pregnancy was going to be wonderful throughout. Here I am 39 weeks pregnant writing this blog post all spread out to find a comfortable position, and the only assumption that was true was that pregnancy would be wonderful. This baby boy is snug as a bug at full term and measuring right on schedule.
The final leg of pregnancy, and I mean the “any day now” part is strange. On the one hand, I just want to meet my baby, but on the other hand, I’m unimaginably scared of both labor & delivery as well as how much my life is going to change in one moment. I’m truly a ticking time bomb, albeit a glowing peaceful time bomb ready to burst out a miracle. The anxiety is real but not crippling, as there is hope attached to it rather than dread.
If you want to know what life is like in the final stretch for me, it’s excitement with every Braxton Hicks contraction. It’s welcoming every cramp, walk, cup of tea, and foot massage. It’s breathing deep to relax both my mind and body. It’s growth, not just in my rotund belly, but with my maturity and groundedness as well. This could be just what I needed to prepare for motherhood. The time beyond when I had convinced myself that I would’ve already had a baby has taught me so much. I’ve had to tell myself that I’m not a failure. I literally woke up at 4:00 the other morning and sat in bed with a bad mood. I was upset with my body in that all of my discomforts from the evening before had magically gone away. I had in my mind that I was gearing up for the real deal, but here we are. I was upset that I wasn’t in pain… pregnancy is odd. He’s still not officially due until this coming Friday, so I don’t fully understand why I feel this way. I’ve also had to tell myself that people are not disappointed in me that he isn’t here yet; they just ask because they are excited too.
Maybe you’re not pregnant but you are wanting to be? Maybe you are waiting to get a call back on a job interview or house offer? Whatever it is, I urge you to be content in the wait and discover what you can learn or focus on that is within your power to change. I can’t make myself go into labor, but I can stay healthy and cherish the present moments. Life can’t be forced, and I know this because of the life growing in me.